Talking to Your Kids About Health, Food, and Fitness

What I want my daughters to strive for

Following up last week’s post about incorporating fitness with your young kids, I would like to discuss how I talk to my children about health, food, and fitness.

My Own Mother’s Influence

When I was growing up, I knew my mother hated her body. She was 120 lbs and average height. By no means “fat”. But she constantly put herself down, told me her legs were like tree trunks and then would tell me we were built the same way. She told me I would always struggle with my weight because of my dad’s genetics. Because she was my mother, she became my benchmark for what I should strive for in the ideal womanly body.

However, my mother wasn’t healthy in any regard. An alcoholic, mentally ill, with no awareness or knowledge about nutrition. I learned early that I didn’t want to be like her and in high school I gave up soda and started thinking about my food.

My Sister’s Influence

My half sister on my dad’s side did the same, but she took it another way and almost died from her eating disorder. Her mother, no better than mine, yo-yo dieted even though she was “skinny”. She had her own issues and they had almost fatal consequences for my sister.

I am grateful that my own body dismorphia didn’t send me down a path of eating disorders. The scare with my sister probably saved me from that.

Where it Led Me

As a personal trainer I was certified in nutrition and nutrition is my biggest geek out subject. I love it. I have experimented a lot with various ways of eating, ultimately landing on eating in a way that balances nutrients, nourishes our bodies, and makes us strong. We don’t eat much processed food, and this is why I home cook most things, including our sourdough. It’s why I meal plan. We eat real food, whole ingredients, and leave out seed oils and other junk. We rarely eat out, but when we do, I realize that everything requires balance and we get what we want on the menu.

My Daughters

As a mother I think about these things a lot. Especially since I have daughters. How I see my body, is how they will come to think of their own. How I talk about myself will become their own personal narrative. How I speak to them about their bodies will shape their opinions of themselves.

It is important.

So How Do I Talk to Them?

I never talk about my weight in front of my daughters. When I have goals to accomplish in the gym, I talk to them about my strength goals, my performance goals, my goals to feel good and healthy. I tell them that I want to be able to do a pull up, that I want to be able to lift up heavy things, I want to run with them and feel good. I tell them I don’t want my stomach to hurt after eating (which is why we eat healthy). I tell them I want to live a long happy and healthy life. There are so many reasons to want to be healthy and strong, the weight isn’t as important as those things to me and I don’t want my daughters growing up thinking it’s the most important thing (like I did).

When I change something in our meal plans or when something gets added or eliminated from our diets, I explain it to them if they ask. It’s never about something making us fat or skinny and always about something that makes our bodies feel good or not. I tell them what I learned about that food and why it’s healthy or not for us.

A perfect example of this happened when we were recently visiting family. My mother in law took us to a greasy spoon cafe near her home and we all ordered burgers and fries. For the most part, everyone enjoyed their meals. But the next morning, both of our girls had some digestive trouble. They asked me if it was because of the unhealthy food they ate the night before. I told them that it probably was. But just because something tastes extra yummy, doesn’t mean our bodies will like it. And their bodies did not like all of those seed oils. They immediately understood. Kids are intuitive.

My Kids Ask Questions

Our daughters ask a lot of questions about food. Probably because I am a food geek and they hear me talk about it a lot. But when we are out and about, they’ll ask me if something will make them feel sick. They ask what is in certain things. I am proud of that. They ask about how food will make them feel. I hope this is a trend that continues as they reach their teenage years.

I Let Them Choose

When our kids were babies, we chose to do Baby Led Weaning. They have always had control of their food, what they put in their bodies, how much they eat. They were never spoon fed. It is my job to provide the food on their plates, and their job to feed themselves.

Now, we let our kids choose how much to eat at ALL meals. They know their bodies best and we respect that. Does that mean that sometimes they go to bed without eating much? Yes. Does that mean they starve? No. Imagine, as a grown adult, somebody telling you you had to clear your plate. You’d think it rude! Especially if you were full and finished. We treat our children with the same respect we would an adult dinner guest. If they don’t eat enough, they learn. If they eat too much, they learn. Again, I provide the healthy meals, they feed themselves.

When questions about unhealthy foods come up for us in public or at a friend’s house, I let them make the choice for themselves. I tell them what is in the food and how it is likely to make them feel. Then I tell them that it’s up to them. I trust them to make the decision that is best for their bodies. If they don’t, then they learn something for next time. If I tried to control it, they wouldn’t learn.

What I Hope My Daughter’s Strive For as Adults

As a kid, I just wanted to be 120 lbs like my mother. As an adult I strive to be the healthiest and also most attractive version of myself as possible. But the road to getting to where I am today was a rocky one. It took me a long time to learn how to eat in a way that makes my body feel good. I have worked out since I was 16.

My goal is that my daughters grow up with fitness goals instead of weight loss goals. That they value being strong as well as being healthy. That they make good choices about clean food and cook for their families and themselves.

Health is about so much more than a number on a scale or a pants size. But when you have your act together with clean food, fitness, and all the other things that come with being healthy, you don’t have to worry much about that number as it should come pretty easily. And that’s what I hope my daughters strive for.